thoughts

Sitting in the class and chatting with my friends alongside with the professor blabbering about the new business road test. The professor is talking about the setup of a new business on a new idea and its feasibility and I am getting lost in my own thoughts. I continue to think that although we talk about a new business we don’t know when we are going to start the same; I am not even expecting a job from the college and without the support that is needed to live your life you can’t even think of starting a business.
Anyways classes are getting boring each day and it’s becoming difficult to concentrate and sit in the class and most of the time my mind wanders on a lot of things varying according to my mood but most of the time it’s her. And with the chances of being with her decreasing with time, it’s becoming a dream to be with her and I just think of the moments that we had thought of when we were together. The issue of this is not just with me but with so many young hearts and minds of India and I don’t think anyone is responsible for this because thing is so much ingrained in our culture but as with the changing time it’s becoming a need to change this culture and move on with the world. And it’s the only chance to stand up with the world.

-By D

Bad days

It’s been a while that I have written something here. I don’t know why but these days are kind of unlucky for me and I don’t feel like doing anything like that. And today, Friday the 13th unlucky as is considered by most of the people on this planet, some calling it a highly unlucky day, some calling it a deadly Friday and some other black Friday. I don’t know the significance of why it is called like that and neither have I wanted to know. But today the bad luck followed me.
It started right from the morning, got up late and after that the teacher came late in the class and we wasted around an hour waiting for her. And then in the class we were scolded for not making the presentation and making excuses. So to get our respect back we decided to make the presentation even though we were not ready. Although the presentation ended pretty well but the feeling of arguing with the teacher was not good.
The day doesn’t ends here, in the evening our results were out and I again scored bad marks, my lowest in two years of my MBA, and it really feel bad not to score good marks, though I don’t care.
Anyways the day was almost about to end when I came to know that one of the extra class that was scheduled for Saturday has been cancelled. It really pisses me off, because I was not able to go home because of this class. I must say that Friday the 13th had become a truly bad day for me on all aspects. And I hope that I don’t face such days again in my life and especially not in the near future.

-By D

no choice

I have never thought that I would be writing blogs one day but here I am writing my own blog and I think this is the irony of the situation that can be best described by a proverb
“One often meets his destiny on the road he takes to avoid it”
and same happened with me, met my destiny (I don’t hope so it is true) on the road which I was trying to avoid. I have never thought so even in my dreams and can never believe what happened. I don’t know what to do. The only thing that comes to my mind is to be alone. The same happens with everyone once in a while when their dreams get broken but does that mean we should be disheartened and be alone, should we stop dreaming. I keep on wondering why the hell we do dream about when we know that one day they are going to be crashed and get broken leaving you all alone, breaking your heart into pieces, thrashing your courage so that you can never dream again. I don’t whether I should go on dreaming or not and even if I dream should I dream about the same thing or should it be different. But whatever that might be, right now I can’t and that’s what my destiny is.

-By D

Dreamer

dreams are like reasons,
dreams are like key,
dreams are like mountains
and dreams are like sea,
dreams are like weakness,
dreams are like power,
dreams are like seeds
and dreams are like flowers,
I am dreamer and I want to be,
I don't care about the future and what challenges could be.....

dreams are like darkness
dreams are like light
dreams are like union
and dreams are like fight
dreams are like sun
dreams are like moon
dreams are lie never
dreams are so soon
I am a dreamer and I want to be
whatever you may do and whatever you say to me.....!

-By D

29th October 2009

I have been listening to this song for the past 3 hours and I don’t know from where I have got this strange habit of doing this task. And I have also been reading a book along titled “Of course I Love You-Till I find someone better”. And while you do a management course like a MBA you inherit that super special power of doing multi-tasking, I don’t know how and most of the time I wonder that does it flows through your books, classes, professors or damn shitty schedule of your MBA into you.
But anyways I was enjoying what I was doing till the time I was so involved in the book that I forgot it and started actually day dreaming and think about the most precious thing and person in my life. And I keep on thinking why everyone around me can have the person they love except me. And it feel like so dejected and such a dumb person at the same time. And you keep on thinking that are dejected because you are dumb or you feel dumb because you are dejected. Anyways she almost can involve me anytime in her thoughts and I keep on lying thinking about her and the same guy feeling start cribbing her, to touch her and kiss her. Now that I have been away from her that I am realizing that how special she was and how much that I have loved her and close I have been to her. The song was just apt for the moment and the mood was getting more sulk and straight way two tears rolled down my cheeks.
From the time I have came back from my home after festival holidays I don’t feel like doing anything and most of the time I am sleeping or just passing time. My table is getting full of all the stuff that I once use to put at proper place once, but I think that are side effects of love or rather side effects of breakups you must say. I dint want to do it but I have actually become so spontaneous in doing things that even after doing things I wonder that was that I who did this?
But that feeling of being a part of her is always more overpowering and overwhelming and I can’t deny that even I want to. I have so much to do, but her dreams and thoughts are always around me that make me just lie and think and day dream about her.
And this is happening for the past 10 days and I think that was the reason that I haven’t blogged for so many days. With these thoughts in my mind I just heard a buzz in my laptop as I saw one of my friend was calling me for wishing another common friend of ours a happy birthday but as soon as I was able to concentrate and come back to senses he was asleep may be tired of his nerdiness (he’s a topper actually). And now its 2 am and instead of sleeping here I am writing on blog about her and my day dreams and about a nerdy guy. But I suppose that is the way life has become for me and I have to live it to the best I can till I do something more stupid that I haven’t thought of.

18th October 2009

Today the day was almost like a dream, met someone who was once very close, met some friends from the college who were there in the city and learnt to drive a car. This time I dint planned anything for the holidays and went on the plan for going with the spontaneous life because there is nothing much left in the planning as I feel about it.
Though the decision to meet this old friend came with some initial resistance from within but when I thought to forget everything and go with the time it made a good deal of effect. It made my friend happy and that’s what I always I aim for.
Anyways now the day is almost finished and so are my holidays and I have to return back to my college, but somewhere am feeling a dead weight in my heart of not meeting her, it’s not that I don’t want to meet but the conditions are not so amicable that I go and see her and talk with her. All of this is getting so complicated and I don’t have a heart to go around with all this but a dream, a dream to be with her forever a dream to see her with me is overpowering then to forget her and I think my dreams are better then what my heart is at this time. So I am going to follow my dreams whatever might be the consequences are.
And you know I like writing some soft, touching and open heart thoughts coming directly out of my heart without being changed and modified and I suppose that was the reason that I made this blog so that I can share my dreams with the entire world.

-By D

15th October 2009

Its 1 am, just wished one of my friends as it’s her birthday. Though, I’m feeling sleepy but still wanted to write something so here I am writing another of my post. Today I’m at my home after nearly a month, everyone is happy to see me, though my sis doesn’t know as she’s not at home (she’s a doctor and on a night duty right now). Anyways today when I was coming I saw little children selling water bottles in buses, running after them, chasing them, wearing just a vest and shorts, for them it’s a matter of livelihood but for us it’s something unnoticeable. I don’t know what they did to me, I just kept on wondering and dreaming that wish there is some way that I can really help them and many more others like them. I helped that fellow by purchasing a bottle but so many are still left.
Even they will be having some dreams, to eat good food, to be entertained, to go to school and study, to wear good clothes. But everyone doesn’t get what they want even they wish to and dream off. So it’s a duty of everyone to help them out, send them to school, and mobilize their parents to send them to schools. The government is doing their part and its time that we as a citizen of India should also help it in making India’s future secure and not jeopardizing it by letting this happen. And as the conducter of the bus asked for ticket a thought by some writer came to my mind that I think is apt for the situation.
“Har kisi ko mukammal jahan nahi milta
Kisi ko zameen to kisi ko aasman nahi milta’

-By D

12th October 2009

Morning 11 o’ clock, bang I entered in my room straight to my bed, frustrated with the cancelled classes and boring routines, was more pissed off because of the reason that I woke up early for the class and now there is no class and now I can’t even sleep because have a class in a while.
So I decided to read the newspaper and surf the net alongside. Yellow color of the newspaper pages were making the life even more dull making be believe that this newspaper is written by some of the oldest, boring and dull people on this earth. Anyways Facebook, Orkut, Gmail, Gtalk and Yahoomail was taking most of my time, their colors were the only colors that I enjoy in my room aura.
My friend just posted some pictures of his Manali visit and as I clicked on them, I felt totally different, felt so close to nature and it made me dream about the best things the nature has given us and here we are, far from it, always moving and taking steps toward the corporate and concrete jungle of the urban. On one side there are tress with their dark and cool shadow and on other side are sky kissing buildings with their humming temperature maintaining machines (AC), on one side there is soft green grass to walk on and on other side there are shiny glass like surface lined with tiles, nature has blessed us with birds and their sweet voices and on the other side we continuously hear those rings of phone and teacher’s lectures.
It made me remember my childhood days when I used to visit my grandparents in village, though we hated the journey at that time, because it was long, tiring and full of pollution, but as the bus use to pass through city lined with shops and houses on both the sides of the street towards the outside, the houses use to be replaced with fields and small katccha homes somewhere between the fields with cattle tied in front of them, we use to continuously look through the bus window for the things we like to watch, cattle, people working in fields, trees, tractors and so many things. But as soon as we get off the bus we were filled with energy, running, playing and teasing cattle, playing with dogs, my grandma use to bring me glass full of milk, days were like sleeping, flying kites, playing cards, going in the field with my grandparents, meeting my other relatives all the time but they were not drilling and irksome as days are now in the hostel now. It was so good, being so involved, spending your time with nature, with your beloved ones. Clean and sweet water from the well and clear sky complemented the happiness. At night we use to lie on the roof with our faces towards the sky, watching so many stars, like diamonds sparkling somewhere in the dark. Though I don’t know when was the last time I saw them, so many stars at a time.
We use to get up early in the morning and go on a walk with my granddad alongside fields and rough dusty tracks slowly discussing about things like plants, insects and other common things, I think that was because I was little too young but I loved those. During the sunny and hot afternoons we all guys use to go for swimming in nearby canals or tubewells.
There are so many things that I want to share but I think I won’t be able to as am feeling so nostalgic. Though now these are just memories. But it’s a dream to be there again and show my friends and her best things in life a person can get and that too without even paying anything. Ahh I miss those days.

-By D

10th October 2009 (1)

Have you ever thought of making some gadgets and machines, something that is never designed before not even thought of. Ones that will give you so power and make you proud of them again and again. I dreamt of one today that gives u power to fly, fly at a supersonic speed, right in the space and you will be there to see the planets and moons and stars with your naked eyes so close to them. Ahh what a great sight it will be.
May be this dream is not new to anyone, I mean lot many people must have thought like that and made spaceships like that, but a dream of mine is for me, I’ll be the captain doing what I’ll feel like, flying where I want to alone, with no bindings and nothing. Free from this world and enjoying out there with the great scenic beauty of the space that god has created (although I know that most of the scientists won’t be agreeing with me on this part who believes on the big bang).
But its my dream and it is my wish to dream whatever I want to. My ship will be huge, I’ll be the captain, I’ll be the navigator, and I’ll be everything. It will be having nastiest weapons to even blow up the planets but I don’t want them for that, its just to make way through space travel. Though I know that I’m sounding like a ten year old kid but that’s ok, I love to dream and I want to dream like that.
-By D

10th October 2009

Today we had our first class of CSR aka ‘Corporate Social Responsibility’, the teacher was taking our views on the subject and was trying to know what we think of it as a subject. There were some views which were so radical whereas others were just taking the path of the normal MBA jargon.
And there I was dreaming how it would be to talk about it with my company boss. Will it be the same or will it be different, how will he take it and other such questions were coming to my mind. And I kept on thinking that one hand we say that ‘the Business of Business is Business’ and on the other hand we talk about that ‘one who demands from the society must also give back to the society’. The two statements are contradicting to each other, the first on one hand talks about the business as merely a profitable thing whereas the second one talk about the moral responsibility, the responsibility of a person or an organization to return back to the society in any way he or it can. And I just kept on dreaming on this thing that is there any way that these two can be intermingled, can they be joined and made into one. And the answer I got was the view of my other professor ‘one of my favorite in the college’ that a Business should be run in a moral and ethical way and there is nothing left that should be done as CSR. But even then I wonder that will it be possible for the business to be commercially viable and make profit.
I haven’t have seen any company that works on these lines, so many companies call them moral and ethical, a number of them involves themselves in CSR activities like opening schools, providing basic amenities to poor and many other such things but what I feel as do other people around me that these are just the basic advertising and marketing stunts to built a brand image of the company and not to really benefit the society but on the other they are at least doing something for the society which should be encouraged more and more.
-By D

9th October 2009

Its 3 am and I just came back from my friends room, he was feeling kind of bit low so cheered him up, boosted his confidence and made him happy. The reason for his sadness was again the reason for my sadness especially during these days, the days when we get placed in some reputed companies.

Every one of us came here to the do MBA with a dream in his heart, to become a successful manager when he leaves this institute, the dream to get a job which the institute has promised us when we joined it. But during the past two years what we have seen and what we are seeing, the situation is totally upside down. The companies visiting are very less and with this economic slowdown there are even less opportunities for each of us. With the current scenario, what I foresee is the breaking of hearts and dreams.

And the irony of the situation is that we don’t even know who’s mistake is this, our or of the college. The college made us dream about the job but the recession hitting the economy has altered the situation so it appears that it isn’t college mistake and it was our decision to take admission in this college but as the college gained our trust to give dream jobs and was not able to, so it’s not our mistake. The situation is somewhat like a quote by Langston Hughes

“Hold fast to dreams for if dreams die, life is a broken winged bird that cannot fly”

What I can only say at this point of time as said by the quote is to hold up your dreams and work towards them and not feel and be disheartened. It’s just the right time to keep on dreaming as

“Dreams are today's answers to tomorrow's questions”

Edgar Cayce

8th October 2009

Just got up, had a nice nap, was so tired that dint even come to know that had slept for almost three hours. For the past two days I was attending a seminar in Delhi, was a great learning experience. I heard some of the eminent personalities that I was used to see just on the Television broadcasts, Newspaper pages or in Business magazines. And there they were right in front of my eyes, speaking sharing and giving their views on the seminar topic 'Knowledge 2009'. I was astounded to listen to the level of maturity and knowledge they were having. It was a learning opportunity for all of us, a time to meet our ideals in business world and know about them.
For the past two days I was listening to a great deal of personalities from the corporate and the some figures from the Indian politics. It was a kind of dream come true to see and meet these persons.

Yesterday when I was listening to one of these persons I got lost in my own dreams that might be some day I will be there on the other side of the table and speaking just like them and my views will matter to a lot many people; maybe I will be an ideal to some students and young ones who will be dreaming of them like me as I want to be like them. I just kept on dreaming that how it will be the world when you will be on the other side. Though I was just imagining about the good part about the glamour but a point I was missing was that even they might have put up a lot of efforts and hard work to reach there. At that moment I just remembered a dialogue from a Hollywood flick ‘The Pirates of the Caribbean’ and it was “from the sweat of our brows and strengths of our backs”. These words completely described how it would be when you will be in the position as they are, with so much responsibilities and duties to perform. Right at that moment my dreams ended with the crackling sounds of the claps and there I was clapping to the views of one of the CEO of a leading company.

After the lunch the session again started with still more of the personalities from the cabinet and corporate sharing their views. I was really shocked to know that most of the innovation and leading ideas we thought of and acted upon are for the rich people in the world, to make their life even more comfortable and easy then it already is while ignoring the dreams of the poor to get even the basic amenities of food, water and the shelter and a little work which is going around in this field is further slowed down by the government interventions, crash crunch to go with the necessary research, corruption and the decision of the bureaucrats. I was thinking who will be there to fulfill the dream of thousands of poor people from the urban and the rural areas. On one hand where we are going around talking of bigger malls, higher and tall sky scrapers, more fly over who is there to think about the dreams of rural people to get a house which doesn’t leak in rain and can bear bad weather.

We can’t deny the dreams of the people from the cities and the rich ones but what we have to do is to think about the dreams of poor ones also and it’s a moral duty for all the innovators and producers to think about them also. And as one of the speakers mentioned that growth is not just about economic growth, it’s also about 2 meals for a person’s having one meal and 2 better meals for the person having 2 meals already and only then we can really say that we are growing.

By this time I was really dreaming that are these talks are just words or they hold some grounds and not just too ambitious dreams of the persons on top to make this all come true. Though examples given by the speakers to prove the fact that this really going to happen seems true to some extent but again I can’t say this will be happen. I have my own thoughts and dreams and for the time being I don’t want anything to inflict my dreams till my dreams come true.

-By D

06 October 2009 (2)

Another class ended , with great talks . Sales , distribution , product ................... blah blah and i was wondering in class (adaptation to survive heavy lecture ) that time has come where i can see 4P's convergence to single "P" ie Placement .So when something was going on in the class i was in some barren field of rajasthan (i got reason for this ) with some proposition for distributors. Talk had kind of desi words *********....................*******............................................of course abusive and also side from which its delivered is obvious

Then my south Indian fellow poked me and i back in world of great talk and jargons and no hard words

-By C

6th October 2009 (1)

My sleepy friend just wrote his first post today right before me, and I really want to tell you that this is almost like a dream to me. But as I don't want to discourage him so lets cut this talk right now and tell you about my Dream.
I cant say its midnight and I can't even say its morning, 3.23 am ,awake and active like a dog (realizing why girls usually call guys as kutte 'dog', haha) and first thing in mind comes is to take a stroll outside but the restrictions of this humanly world made me stay inside the hostel building through out the night.
As my mate said that "enjoying night with cigarette in one hand and writing about dream with another" I feel like watching Martin Luther 'king' say those words again and again on You Tube " I have a Dream". Standing in front of a sea of people with dreams in their eyes he said this phrase leaving everyone as a common soul dreaming. Ah, what a lovely phrase, really. Even I have a dream, my friend does and for that matter everyone around us have one, but then whats the difference between a dream of Martin Luther 'king' and mine. I'm not comparing him with me on any aspect, what I want to say is that he followed his dream with his action, a dream for a greater good, but where am I. 'Am i really following my Dream, what I want to become, where I want to be, what I want to do?'.
For hours I kept thinking about this, and I realized that its only my Dream that has led me here to really make some others Dreams come true. And I once again fell in front of this great power of dreams. They make us do what we cant even think of, they make us believe that we are special and we have it in us what is required to make that dream come true.
Time flies and my eyes are falling to the deepest dark of the night to take me to my dreamland with George Barnard Shaw words in my mind

"You see things; and you say, 'Why?' But I dream things that never were; and I say, 'Why not?"

-By D

06 October 2009

morning 3:15

luxury of doing an MBA is enjoying night with cigrate in one hand and writing about dream with another , i think i am now used to it nevertheless lets get on with my DREAM. To start with i am quite unorganized person so are my dream (Statutory warning if want to expecting some fun)

last night i slept at 4:30 and my dream goes like this

".

..

.

.

.

.

.

."

ya i want to be honest , i had a dreamless night

-By C

5th October 2009

The weather is awesome, with little drizzle and cool breeze,making your heart soft and melt for the one you love.
I'm still in bed thinking about some of the best days of my life,ahh can't forget those, all those memories appears to be like dreams now. With my heart tossing to this whole aura of her around me, made me listen to 'The Beatles' love songs. The slow music is just feeling the space that was kind of empty. And I was thinking why does life can't give you what you really want at the time when you are missing it the most and again the power of these dreams overpower this thought of mine that you can still enjoy it.
Today I really don't know what I dreamt at night but this weather and the music made me just dream about her, and laying in my bed I was continuously dreaming about her, to be near her, touching her, smiling with her and enjoying all this with her. The time is like 'flying away' and with every moment of this day dreaming brings me closer to her and make me yearn more for her and I realized that I love nothing as much as I love her.
The Beatles words"memories loose their meaning when I think of Love as something you" were just complementing this thought of mine.
And suddenly there was huge knock was on the door, and the feeling of being in dreamland was overpowered by the continuous knocking and beating of the door. With all the courage I got up and opened the door with my heart smiling, to dream about her and I thank God for not letting this feeling of affection to die even when I am not there.
But now is the time when I have to leave this dreamland ride of mine 'my bed' to come back to this world to be actually with her someday. And my heart continues to sing to the beatles tune...

There are places i'll remember
All my life though some have changed
Some forever not for better
Some have gone and some remain
All these places have their moments
With lovers and friends i still can recall
Some are dead and some are living
In my life i've loved them all

But of all these friends and lovers
There is no one compares with you
And these memories lose their meaning
When i think of love as something new
Though i know i'll never lose affection
For people and things that went before
I know i'll often stop and think about them
In my life i love you more

Though i know i'll never lose affection
For people and things that went before
I know i'll often stop and think about them
In my life i love you more
In my life i love you more...

-By D

4th October 2009 (1)

5.00 pm,just got up after a nice nap,can't really explain and tell you in words how much relaxing it was, and each and every part of my body is giving thanks to this decision of mine to sleep and I am little happy that I dreamt about her. Though its little tough to really remember of all the minute details of the dream but i think I remember most of the part.
There she was standing in the sun, her face was glowing in sun rays, her hair were loosened up and she was waiting for me there near the tree with her face down, may be thinking about something, I don't know what it was but the silence on her face was tormenting. I slowly walked towards her with my hand on my heart to control it from beating so fast, because I haven't seen her in the past few months and now I was there so close to her, watching her, feeling her presence, taking breath with the air filled with the aroma of her. I walked close enough to see her, and saw that I would have never thought of.................a tear drop rolling over her cheek. For a moment I felt nothing and then suddenly the earth beneath my foots was gone and it felt that whole sky has crashed upon me. I was not able to do anything and even if I was so close to her I felt like the distance is immense and there is no way that I can cross it. And my heart had almost stopped beating, but with all the courage of my Love I just pulled her towards me, with no second thoughts and held her so close and tight that nothing can ever be able to touch her.
She seems to melt in my arms and the tears started rolling more and more and I was wiping them with my fingers and just holding her close to me. After sometime she stopped crying and we were still embracing each other. Though she stopped crying but I still don't know what was the reason and neither I felt like asking this from her, but I was happy that she was near me and she was normal now after all that crying. Whatever might be the reason for her sadness, she just needed me and I wish that I can be there with her all the moments of our lives.
We were still there when the alarm again went off, making me come back to again this world from my dreamland even when i didn't want to. But I think that is the way of life, and I again want to sleep to dream about her.

-By D

4th October 2009

Its morning 7.30 am and the alarm has gone bonkers ringing again and again,I am still in bed cursing my college for waking me so early in the morning,i have just slept(4.30 am in the morning-after watching a bollywood movie), but its sunday and I want to sleep for long.But what to do when we had this curse of being a student and that too of an MBA.
But i still got up yawning and scratching my head to run with the OH So GREAT WORLD. While brushing my teeth i was still thinking of this dream that I had in this short span of my deep sleep. The dream was nothing special but my thoughts let me to another world somewhat similar to a dreamland. I was thinking that how many people dream each night( and each morning in case of students like me). Some even does the day dreaming, and even I am part of such a clique,sitting in a professor lecture and dreaming about the best things in world,big palaces,hotels,cars,holidays in exotic places and ofcourse about our girlfriend and boyfriends.
This thought confused me that what is so special about these dreams that makes us linger to them even after days and we die to have them again and again, and gets scared of by some although they are our dreams. Scientist explanation to dreams struck somewhere in between my mind that these are just the projections of what we want to have and see in our life and our day to day life but I rather admitting to this great findings of these super minds still clings on the god gift to humans to experience all those things which we cant experience right now or ever sometime.
And I thought of sharing my dreams with the world each time i have them, may be the night dreams or the day dreams. By this time I finished brushing my teeth and started banging on my friends room door who is a partner in all my crimes and woke him up to tell him about my idea of doing this thing which was welcome by a big paragraph of unknown,unheard and unwanted phrases and words that you would never want to hear. I left him there sleeping and continue with his dreams to move back to usual chores but the idea of sharing was still somewhere there in back of my mind.
Right after the class I came back to my room and switched on my laptop to enjoy this greatest wonders on science known as internet to get connected to so many friends of mine all over the planet and came this guy who was blaming me to ruin his dream in the morning(my friend ofcourse) and after all his blabbering he said that its really nice to share something like that with the world and hence here we are ready with this blog to share our dreams and know about other's dreams that make them go and sleep each night and traverse to the dreamland of theirs and have best of the times even if the day was cruelsome or worst.

-By D